weblond

… dass Stricken bieder ist! Voilà das wohl schärste, das ich bisher in der U-Bahn gestrickt habe:

Und bevor das Kopfkino losgeht: Der ist nicht für mich! Dafür kann sich eine der (wenigen) Leserinnen schon mal auf ein verspätetes Geburtstagsgeschenk vorfreuen. :)

Mein Versicherungsvertreter verkauft hauptberuflich Lebensversicherungen und hält in seiner Freizeit unentgeldlich Grabreden. Soll ich das jetzt unter Extra-Kundenservice verbuchen oder muss ich mir Sorgen machen?

My Dear,
How are you? i hope that you are fine. thanks for your prompt response. well my dear i understand how you feel and i want you to know one thing that it is not everybody in this world this is untrustworthy so my dear i want you to give me a chance to proof this to you. remmenber that this box in question is the only thing left for the future of my children.
I want you to understand that with my situation now that i am not allowed to travel or move out of my late husband house in philippine and have been under serious monitoring by my late husband family, who concern is that i give them all my late husband properties. so please do understand that we can only be
communicating by email for safety and confidential of this transaction.
I want you to handle this transaction as your own personally affair and to make sure that you secure the box of money which i put in a box and deposited it in a security company. then you open the box with the key code number that i will email to you later when you have secured the box from the security company so that you can open the box and deposit the money either in your account or in your bank safebox for a better safety of the money till i am free from the hands of my late husband and come over to meet you in your country.
This money in question is the only thing i have for the future of my children now as all my late husband asset has been taken from me by his family.
You have to keep this transaction confidential between you and me and never tell anybody about this money that i have disclose to you[even to your closest friend].once i receive your next mail which is as part of your sincereity that you will not sit on the money, then i will attach and send to you by email the certificate of deposit which was given to me by the security company so that you can have the right to contact the security company immediately for the claim of the box on my behalf.
But first i want you to send to me you full name, address, telephone and photocopy of you passport. these information, i have to forward to the security company. telling them that you are my partner who will be contacting them on my behalf for the claim of the box.
I am also soliciting that you accord this transaction a priority of attention by replying to my messages. i will wait for your response so that i can send to you the certificate of deposit immediately.

Thanks and i wait to hear from you urgently

Best regards

Mrs Emma Lapuz

…

Hey Emma!

Sorry for not answering you for so long. But I was on vacation in the Caribbean Sea. Unfortunately, I’ll be off for another week of vacations till Monday, August 20th.
Until then, why don’t you send the adress (be it either e-mail or home adress) of the security company to me. I will then send them all the things you asked me for. Then I can take care of you and your family. Really, I feel so good to have the opportunity to help someone out there in the world. And all this in the middle of my vacations. Life is good. So, hang in there till I am back. Don’t worry, they can’t keep you in your house forever!
Greetings to your kids, too. I hope they’re doing fine!
Best regards

me

Toll sind auch (deutsche!) Kunden, die ihre E-mail-Adresse unbedingt im internationalen Fliegeralpabet buchstabieren müssen:

Henny: Geben Sie mir zur Sicherheit bitte Ihre E-Mail-Adresse.
Kunde: Sehr gern. Ich buchstabiere: Heinrich-Siegfried-Theodor-Ulf-Ludwig-Leonard-Erwin ät tralala.

Natürlich habe ich die Hälfte der männlichen Vornamen bereits verpasst, als ich merke, dass der Gute nicht Heinrich-Siegfried heißt! Eine mögliche Antwort wäre in diesem Fall:

Stulle wie Schnitte, nur männlich?

Oder auch:

Schreibt sich Theodor mit H oder ohne?

My dear,
Please my dear, do not feel embarrassed by my mail to you. I am Mrs. Emma Lapuz ,the wife of Rev. Edison Lapuz, a prominent human right defender and Conference Minister of North Eastern Leyte Conference Coordinator of Eastern Visayas Convenors of Visayas Jurisdiction, Who his sudden killing on the 12th of may 2005 has been a shock to me and my children.
Well during my late husband death threat, he gave me the total sum of $10.3, million dollars for the up keeping/future of our children and asks me to put it in a metallic box and deposit it in a security and finance company in abroad.
This deposit was coded under a secret arrangement as a family treasure. This means that the security company does not even know the content of this trunk box.
Since the death of my late husband, the Philippine government has blocked all me and my late husband account and also my late husband family has succeed in collecting from me all the properties of my late husband, trying to leave me with nothing for the future of my children.
I am contacting you because I want you to help me in securing the money in the box for the future of my children. Since my late husband family made it impossible for me to have access to calls or to move out of the house as they always monitor me.
I hope to trust you as who will not sit on this money when you claim it. I will give you 15% of the total money after you have successfully secured the box. For your assistance to me. If you are willing to help me, email me at emma_lapuz01@yahoo.com.ph
Thanks and I wait to hear from you urgently
Best regards
Mrs. Emma Lapuz

…

My Dear Emma!

Do not feel embarrassed by my answer to your peculiar request.
I am Mr., well, I guess, I can leave this part away as you must know who I am.
Otherwise you would not entrust me with your trunk box containing $ 10.3 million dollars.
Of course, someone would only give a sum such as this to someone (s)he knows quite well.
Yet, I do not recall ever having heard your name before. Well, I suppose my fame for being a good person anticipates my real-life person. Thank you right now for the trust you put in me. I am absolutely willing to implement your hopes in me.
Now, down to business. If you want me to help you, I will have to ask you for 20% of the money as I am experiencing financial problems myself right now. Let me explain!
Recently, I have answered the request of the former tansanian prince, Mr. Lubuka, to help him in a quite similar matter. Due to an overthrow of the government through some partisans he was forced to leave the country behind and leave all his belongings in a secure area in some sort of an international neutral zone, I don`t remember any more. Anyway, he also asked me to help him out of his infelicitous situation by letting him transfer his money to my bank account and subsequently having it send to his new financial home in Sudan. I willingly complied to his request and was actually rewarded with a percentage which paid out as $2.3 million. Now, some jerk claims to have been fleeced via Internet and that his money would have been laundered through my bank account. Thus, jurisdiction forced me to return the money to this fraud and his uncommon demands (as if anyone were stupid enough to let himself be ripped off through being played for a sucker using the Internet, pah). Therefore, I now have disadvantageous liabilities. If I could get only a little more money from you, I could be relieved of my debts.
So, one hand washes the other. You help me, I help you!
Thank you so much for the opportunity to prove to the world what a genuine personality I am.
I will be happy to return the money to you after having claimed it. Please, also tell your children not to dread any further. One look in the eyes of these poor creatures surely is enough to let me know, why I shall be doing this favor for you, even if it weren`t for my grand character. And I can imagine the expression on their faces right now.
In replacement of your fair tardy, er, late husband, let me now humbly take care of your family´s fate.
Simply disclose the means by which I shall acclaim the seemingly doomed metallic box and all will be well.
Thank you once again for your trust. Please contact me as soon as possible. Do not feel ashamed to rush me, I can fully comprehend the urgency of things.
All the best to you,
Sincerely
me